The Epic tales of Bella
by Obsessive Vampire Stalker
Summary: Just a random story i wrote during class with my bestie, twlight obsessed, and well its just really a bunch of random drabble about twilight and the cullens with a few 'guest' stars. including SUPERMAN, and ashely the evil bunny. Please RxR
1. Chapter 1

**Ok this is by me** (trueVaMpIrE)** and my friend** (twilightObsessed). **We got bored during class so decided to write this. Please dont get offened by any of this, or the spelling cos thats bad as well, so i hope you enjoy the epic tales of bella part I**

Once apon (shit how do you spell that) a time there was a person. This was a girl (Bella) she was 18 and really obsessed with a stupid rainy town called forks and wanted to go to and meet the Cullens.

So she got on a dog and rode it t LA, then she realized that the dog was dead and couldn't go any further so she ate it, and got in a cab to forks, half way there she realized that the driver was a vampire so she bit him and jumped out the cab like in on of those action movies. After realizing this she learned that she was a vampire and she ran all the way to forks.

But when she got there she got hit by a stupid shiny Volvo, but she was amazed that she wasn't dead, she looked to see who was driving and was amazed to see it was big foot, which in other words means Jacob Black who had been killed by Zod (_ha ha ha, his in smallville if you dont know_) and he was decapitated with blood gushing everywhere

She wanted to help him so she fixed all the cuts with her vampire healing powers, he was very thankful, so he gave her a black eye then kidnapped her and held her hostage in the hospital.

She didn't know what was going on and then all of a sudden Esme kidnapped Bella and took her hostage in an old forest in the middle of a forest, as she looked around the room she found Esme and six other faces staring at her, all of those faces where decapitated and on pointy sticks, luckily they where only fluffy dogs.

She was to weak to ask Esme who put them there so she fell asleep (wait, no vampires can't sleep) so she didn't fall asleep, so she decided to light the table on fire and dance around it. Then suddenly Victoria burst in it the room, Bella was scare, she didn't know what to do, so her head explode and she died.

The end.

_How can that be the end!NO!!!!!!!_

_Well I thought it needed a happy ending_

_That's not a happy, now Edward must die because she is dead. HA!!! I managed to involve him in the story some how!! _

_Fine we won't finish the story_

**I will continue on with the story if you want i dont know yet, please review and tell me.**

**Thanks**


	2. Chapter 2

Now that Bella was dead, Esme was angry, so angry so she attacked Victoria and married her because she all ways had a crush on Victoria.

The rest of the family was shocked especially Carlisle who wanted to be best man.

After this was sorted out Esme had to tell Emmett, jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Edward that Bella was dead was dead.

Then jasper and Emmett killed Victoria because she didn't like their hair, now Victoria was dead, Esme got over her so Carlisle and Esme decided to renew their wedding vows.

So that Esme could have magic powers, that could bring back Bella, even thought wedding vows aren't that magic…yet.

After the wedding, Bella came back to life, and fell in love with Edward and everyone lived happily ever after, or so it seemed.

**Ok really short I know, I'll up date really soon just do one thing for me, press Periwinkle (the purple/blue button) and REVIEW please.**

**Thanks**


	3. Chapter 3

**The writing in** _insert text here_ **are comments from me and TwilightObsessed**

Twice upon a twilight moon Bella lived happily with the Cullens until James came back from the dead and killed Bella. The end

_NOOOOO you cant stop the story there._

_Why not I want to, I like that ending._

_Fine I'll finish it myself._

_NO, wait for me…_

Edward was so angry and upset so he killed James again, now his life was no longer worth living so he went to see the volturi in Italy. But ended up getting in a plane crash, then the volturi got hit by a meteor and all the volturi died.

But Edward was floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean so he didn't die. While he was floating there he saw someone in the distance swimming towards him, it was superman.

Unfortunately superman was to busy to help Edward and was jealous because Edward was sooo much hotter and faster and stronger than him. So superman committed suicide.

Edward decided to swim back to forks and leave superman to die. When Edward got to forks he decided to try and find a leprechaun so he could get money to pay a witch to bring Bella back, unfortunately he couldn't find any leprechauns because they don't exist, then he realized that his was filthy stinking rich.

After realizing this he decided to go find esme and ask her to bring back Bella, so he could take her to Vegas to marry and get married.

So Bella came back to life, and then they decided to go to Vegas, but they lost all there cars in freak homicides so they ran to the golf course and stole golf buggies. After stealing the golf buggies, they drove to Vegas. Once they got there, after many hours of re-fixing them with gum, rubber bands, and paperclips, Bella and Emmett got married to piss Edward off, but Rosalie got pissed off as well and killed them both.

Because Rosalie killed Bella, Edward decided to kill her. After that Edward walked around and moped because he one and only love was dead again. As Edward was leaving Vegas to go see the volturi,

_Do you realize that the volturi are dead, I killed them with a meteor_

_Shut up I know that just ignore it_

Jacob showed up, Jacob was in Vegas to get married to Sam, Edward was angry because Jacob didn't love Bella anymore. So he killed both Jacob and Sam.

_yay_

Then because Edward was sooo sad he didn't remember that Esme can bring back people from the dead.

So Bella was a zombie _(because it didn't work right)_ and went around eating to flesh off people. While eating the flesh off some random person, Bella saw Edward. Edward decided to turn Bella from a zombie to vampire so they could try and get married again. The end

_What you can just turn some one from a zombie to a vampire just like that I just doesn't work that way, gosh roles eyes and sighs_

**i hope you like that chapter lol, review please**

**thanks**


	4. Chapter 4

Now that Bella was a vampire nothing could stop them from getting married in Vegas…until all of a sudden a pack of rabid ducks attacked.

The priest of the rabid ducks didn't want Edward and Bella to get married because he was in love with Bella.

So Bella got married to the rabid duck priest named Ashley.

Edward was very jealous and wanted to kill Ashley so he did. But before he could Emmett and Rosalie came back for the dead and ate all the duck, then got rabies.

Because of this Edward and Bella had to kill them but they didn't succeed

_You can't kill them that's mean_

_Oh well, its done now_

_No its no_

_Yes it is_

_Im writing this story with out you then.Bang your dead_

_NOOO, fine scratch thatlast part, they're not dead, I'll fix it_

_YAY_

So they didn't succeed and jasper and Alice showed up for the wedding. Esme and Carlisle decided to come to because they had nothing better to do. Anyway at last Bella and Edward got married because they found a new priest. They all decided to go back to forks, and open a casino in the middle of the school grounds. It became very famous, then they got so much money they bought the town and a pet lion.

The end

_No…you can't end it yet!!_

_Well I just did_

_Noooo you can't end it yet!_

_Why?_

_Because I said so_

_Well unless you kill Jacob for me I will not write anymore_

_But his all ready dead_

_I don't care_

_Fine I'll keep writing the story and I will bring him back to life and make sure he suffers a slow, miserable, painful, terrible death_

_Oh really you'd do that all for me tear_

_Yes I would because I want him to have a slow, miserable, painful, terrible death _

_Yay, im the happiest girl in the world spinning in circles_

_Fine now keep writing the story. And I'll kill Jacob somehow_

_Oh, can we kill spider pig also, I hate him so much._

_Yeah sure why not_

_YAY I love you so much. But only as a friend, nothing more edgy eyes_

_Yeah I know that lol_

_OMG can we also kill the person who invented lol_

_Fine _

_Yay im so happy. That is end of the conversation, final, full stop, and end._

_Fine but let me finish the story by saying:_

Bella and Edward lived happily ever after, until they got hungry so they ate spider pig, and the guy that invented lol. And last and certainly least, Jacob died a slow, miserable, painful, terrible death by the rabid ducks who ate him.

THE END

_Yay, jolly good ending_

_Yes it is, if I do say so my self_

**And that is the ending of this story i hape you all enjoyed it.**


End file.
